The subtitle of this courageous little
book, written by Lillie Leonardi, “A Memoir about Flight 93, A Field of Angels
and My Spiritual Homecoming” grabbed me more than the title, “In the Shadow of
a Badge”. I always like to hear stories about Angels.
Seven years after the horrific events
of 9/11, the author discusses her meeting with a former FEMA representative, he
suffering from an illness in his lungs, as a result of prolonged exposure to
the toxic conditions of Ground Zero. In sharing stories he told her, “If what
you saw at the site injured your heart and your mind then you, too, are one of
the walking wounded. There is no standard as to who was hurt more.” The words
ring true; we were all wounded on that day. How reassuring that the forces of
good were present that day as the first responders and recovery workers began their
arduous task, although it does appear that they did suffer more than the rest
of us, whether from a resultant physical disability and death or the
psychiatric issue of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
A reappearing aspect in Ms. Leonardi
story is her questioning of a long-held belief that an inferior status as a
woman created the pathway for her to suffer PTSD, rather more than the men she
associated with in her department who did not develop and confront the symptoms
that she did. Only when she begins to meet and share her story with fellow
sufferers, combined with her dream work, does she find peace from the shame.
I was pleased to see the author’s
willingness to look into alternative healing practices as her frustration at
her stalemate with anxiety, flashbacks, emotional and physical pain continued. Years
later, a former boss from the FBI suggests that she ask her doctors about a
therapy known as Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR). Somewhat
disappointing to me was the fact that although she describes the process as
helping more than just to process the traumatic events of 9/11, they also
helped expand her spirituality; deeper understanding of her faith, cleared
sludge from her mind’s clogged passageways and more clarity of insight. That
was end of her discussion of the therapy.
I also wish the author had spent more
time revealing details of the healing processes she used and additionally, would
have loved to have seen the little grotto she created in her backyard. She
tells of anxiously visiting home after being on-site for several days to
reconnect with the love and nurturing she experiences with her daughter and
granddaughter in their shared home. This first visit brought much work in the
form of creating a healing space. The author tells of her commitment to prayer
and meditation by arranging for a friend’s backhoe to dig a hole for a pond
where she would place a statue of the Blessed Mother.
In summary, the book brought forth
emotional responses from me at times and I was happy that the author had the
faith and support from her family that sustained her. I do wish she would have
spent more time discussing the healing processes but I don’t think that was to
be the purpose of the book. Referring back to the title, I would assume the
book was to be about the Angelic vision and again I felt not enough time was
spent regarding that experience. I think the purpose that came through was the
revelation that the forces of good and evil had met on that playing field and
her ability to see them was pivotal in her ability to heal from the psychic wounding
she experienced at that time.
This beautiful book was a gift from Hay
House in exchange for a written review. No requirements of a positive nature
were requested. Only honest criticism was asked of me.
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