Sweetness

I didn’t leave Texas yet, I’m still here in Abilene. I think there is some kind of weird psychic energy about this place that magnetizes those that step into its bounds and holds us… not uncomfortably as much as uncommonly. Dallas held me for a long time with a great social life, although it gave me plenty of room to leave and return with much travel in between. Lake Orion in Michigan definitely held me by its unique charm and beauty. Southwest Michigan retains a silver thread of connection with friendships and home to many of my worldly treasures. But, here I am, still in Abilene.

When I arrived at the end of February, I was ill. I don’t get sick very often and I really couldn’t tell you what was wrong with me this winter, other than symptoms, the overriding one being that I just couldn’t get my energy back. Dallas had finally allowed the doors to close behind me and left me free to explore other regions for a new home. I know not everyone opens the door to change as much as I do, but its part of my nature.

So, I’ve been here four months. Many things have come together for me and life is promising much sweetness. True, the times they are achanging and much turbulence is visible in the world. But I think the final votes haven’t been cast and the winds could still blow in a different direction. I’m going to remain hopeful. In the meantime, life is good.

This too shall pass~

I left my home in Michigan just before my 30th birthday. I had been planning the move for six months. I loaded my Ford Mustang with everything I thought I’d need to setup a home for two children and myself. I was heading to Texas for the first time in my life. I’d been reading the classifieds, print at that time, which had been sent to me by my brother who was already there – in Houston. I was going to Dallas. I had interviews ready for my arrival and a friend who had been there for only a few months herself.

I was leaving my Mother and it was breaking her heart that I was going and taking my children with me. She had helped take care of those children since their births as I worked and went to school with hopes of a career in computers.

I don’t know if you watched the HBO series Six Feet Under or not, but it was one of my favorites. All five seasons are available by DVD. Many episodes are memorable and I’ve watched all five seasons from start to finish again in addition to the original. The seasonal finale brought everything to together and as I watched it the first time, my reaction is still the same to watch it today, the tears stream down my face.

The series begins with the death of the father and every episode begins with a death. The family run business is a funeral home which the two sons take over running after their father's passing. The story line includes the arrangements of the deceased and the interactions and relationships of the family as they all live upstairs over the funeral home.

Unlike many televised series, starring members of the family and friends die during the series. They do not disappear from the show, rather we know they are dead and they remain visible at times to various family members and occasionally speak to some.

The series finale features Claire leaving home to pursue a career in New York, as she drives across the desert the future flashes as the next 80 years pass and all members of the family age and die. We all have but a temporary interlude here. The final vision for each is a visual of a loved one who has already gone on to the other side.

I have always identified with Claire in this last episode as I left Michigan 30 years ago, driving for three days to arrive in Dallas where I created a life and career. My children grew and married and created families of their own and now great grandchildren. While I was gone, time passed and many of the loved ones I left behind aged and left this world.

Two years ago I returned to Michigan to bury one of the more significant ones, my ex-husband. I stayed to go through his home and clean up and finish all his worldly business. I found parts of myself that I had left behind that had been treasured by him in those years. I wondered many times as I went through his belongings what my life would have been like if I’d stayed. With great sadness, I knew that for my own personal growth I had made the right decision.

Now, I am in Texas, preparing to leave to go west. Plans were made while I was finishing in Michigan, I’d said good bye for a while to my family there and stopped in Texas to visit my daughter. I thought it would be a short visit but it turned into three months. She and her husband had been having some difficulties and were considering whether to stay together to finish raising their four sons or to split their family now. This place in Texas is well suited for them to complete their job and I think they’ve decided to work it out. My job here is done although I could stay; it’s not a place that’s well suited to me.

A week from Monday I will be packed and heading off on another thousand mile journey across the country to place I’ve never been. Hopes and dreams packed along with my clothes, I’m traveling solo and I know that as I leave to pursue a life in another new city, time will pass; my daughter and her family will grow and go their own ways. I won’t be here to see it. There will be visits but not the same as Sunday get-togethers.

I watched the season finale again today and the tears stream down my eyes as I once again identify with Claire driving across the desert, leaving her family behind, pursuing a new life apart from them, and knowing that those that passed are waiting for me on the other side.

Watch it~

Be ready with your kleenex!

Why Vegas?

Marc is already in Vegas. We’ve been planning to live in the same city at the same time for awhile. He’s a family member that I met about ten years ago for the first time. As you can guess we’re part of a large family, spread out across the US.

Marc’s an Artist and he’s currently working as a Tatoo Apprentice in Vegas. He’s airbrushed t-shirts for Disney and Knotts Berry Farm, murals and motorcycles. How does that tie-in with what I do? Anybody's guess and the sky is the limit. I know a little, and sometimes more, about a lot of things.

I’m going with an open mind. I truly love the nitpickyness of programming – I was a COBOL programmer in a former life and now I do websites and blog. We’ll see what happens as I get ready to depart Abilene and head west.

If you’re wondering how I ended up in Abilene, I’ll tell you that I only came for a visit since my daughter and her family are here, but she wanted me to stay. I think she was actually just going through a challenging time and it looks like that all got settled down and she and her husband are going to work things out.

I’ve been here for about 3 months and that’s long enough for me to know that I won’t get into any trouble here in Abilene and that’s just a little too peaceful for me. I spent that last two years in my home state of Michigan and before that lets just say, Dallas primarily with temporary contracts in states from Alaska to Florida.

I plan to keep you posted as I get ready to leave here in about ten days. Lots of last minute preparations and planning for the unknown.

Countdown to Vegas

I’m in Abilene, TX, preparing to leave in about ten days. I’ll be heading for Las Vegas for the first time. I’m not a gambler nor a drinker so we’ll see what other trouble I can get into.

I want a Google Chrome Notepad!!!

Techsoup sends some great posts to me and yesterday brought a cool surprise, an opportunity to beta test Google’s new Chrome Notepad. I’ve been most happy with Chrome since installation a few months ago. I’d made the switch from IE awhile back and was trying out other browsers, but was most pleasantly surprised when I followed a friend's suggestion to try Chrome. The issues that I had were resolved, plus Chrome’s speed.

Chrome is so much faster and I like the fact that all my home pages are listed across the bar and available with one click rather than taking the time to download every one when I might not need them all every day.

Bringing up a new tab provides an instant image of all my home pages as they last appeared and a single click from anywhere will bring up one of them fresh. Now, instant web with a Chrome Notebook! Google features are listing the time from sleep to boot in ten seconds, I like that.

Everything stored in the cloud means that everything is still available no matter what happens to my laptop. No risk of data loss. As a graduate student I find classmates who email their documents to themselves at the end of every session, those who save their works in progress on a flash drive and those who actually print to protect themselves against loss of their precious work. Many have made the switch over to Google Docs so they’ve gotten used to storing their work in the Cloud.

Wireless technology means independence and the Chrome Notebook provides an always-connected situation with fast WiFi available everywhere. No more looking for hot spots, fooling with a plug-in or waiting til I get home. I won’t have to carry a phone and a laptop to have the best of both worlds.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed, pick me!! I want to beta test a Google Chrome Notebook!!!

Dallas

I’m in Dallas and the weather is fine! I think I got out of Michigan just in time; the first snow of the year was beginning to fall a few weeks ago as I was leaving. Now, the worst winter snow in ten years has hit as the area I’m visiting is experiencing 50-70 degree weather.

Finishing up a term paper on Second Life and how the virtual world is being used by librarians… very interesting~

I’m currently looking around for some work in graphics or website development. The work I performed last summer in Michigan was most enjoyable and while I would like to visit there again next summer, I do need to keep busy and Dallas definitely has the edge.

It’s good to be here, visiting old friends and familiar places. Oh, if I could only find a job or a contract, I’d probably settle right back in.

Michigan will always be in my heart as my native home. However, I never planned to return except for summer visits after leaving years ago. I almost stayed this time. I was in Michigan for two years, due to some family business I had to take care of. I’ll always visit in August but financially, I’m probably better off in Dallas.

I care

If you’ve ever been in any kind of a therapy situation, you know the value of the ‘right’ question. I was asked one of those yesterday. I heard it coming as I was talking with a new friend and was invited to ask any questions that I had. My initial response was to reply that this wasn’t a job interview and I didn’t have a prepared list of questions, although I had recently had this assignment in a class situation and did have a few ready. I asked, “What are your goals?” knowing that as the response came, the question would likely be turned back on me. Although I was listening to the answer I was being given, my mind considered what I would reply… I planned something along the lines of the web work that I most enjoy. However, when the question came, these words fell out of my mouth: “To run a non-profit”.

Oh my, who planted those words in my mouth? Those of you who know me well will know my response is God’s plan for me. I guess maybe it is. My mind flashed back to spring and summer of 2009 as the most important thing on my mind was establishing AgeOut.org, a non-profit organization for teens who age-out of Foster Care. What happened? I wondered.

Life itself, or God as I choose to believe, needed me to physically change locations. By the end of that summer, the organization was not first and foremost on my mind, rather moving was. The next year propelled me from the east side of the state to the west. On the surface I had my reasons, blah, blah, blah. I also found another organization with the same focus, just not all my ideas. My idea was on hold until I determined whether it would be better to just support them with their organization.

This morning I have a glimmer of a reason. Complex, coincidentally, all those coincidences where God chooses to remain anonymous, but I choose to think of as Miracles. Going back into the business plan, I remembered, Western Michigan University is the location of several organizations that had sparked my interest because of their focus on teens facing homelessness based on their looming 18th birthday.

In Kalamazoo, Mich., Western Michigan University began a scholarship program last September for 51 students leaving foster care without support. Using a grant from the W.K. Kellogg Foundation, it offers free tuition, academic help and year-round housing. Foster-care teens become homeless and often hopeless, however help is available if they know about it.

Surprise, surprise, I have ‘another’ reason to go to Kalamazoo this week. I think I’ll stop by WMU and see who I might meet.

I smile as I see God’s handiwork as it all comes together.